For today's Friday Feature, I'm featuring...ME! Well, actually, my intelligent ship, Vinny. Several of you had the fortunate experience of being kidna--er--a guest on my sentient ship and enjoyed this spectacular view from my aft lounge. Okay, that looks suspiciously like a NASA vehicle in the foreground...bit of a traffic jam there...We got through it okay.
Vinny was graced, for instance, by Captain Jean-Luc Picard, who displayed the elegant poise and wisdom of a man at home in the vastness of space. He was so charming and gracious, accepting coffee from me when his prefered drink is Earl Grey tea. I do so love his warm and sincere smile...sigh...And he did send me a case of his wonderful Picard red wine. Thank you, Jean-Luc! When he isn't speeding around in his ship, harrassed--er--surrounded by his loyal crew, you can spot Jean-Luc lurking on Facebook or Shelfari under the pseudonym of Graham Seager.
When avante-garde scientist--and my personal hero--Dr. Lynn Margulus, stepped aboard Vinny she brought with her her bright light of scientific genius and courage that lingers still. She also left me with some really bad biology jokes. Here's one:
A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, "How was I born?""Well honey..." said the slightly prudish mother, "the stork brought you to us.""Oh," said the boy, "and how did you and daddy get born?""Oh, the stork brought us too.""Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" the boy persisted."Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the mother, by now starting to squirm a little. Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations." (LOL) Okay...but it's better than these:
How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but it takes eight million years.
How many biologists does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to change it and three to write the environmental-impact statement.
Fantasy author, Jennifer Rahn, was delightfully composed and curious about Vinny, and enjoyed the view of our beautiful planet despite her fear of heights. I must thank you, Jennifer, for introducing Vinny to those wierd hair-slapping Fins (Apocalypta, who play a mean version of Metallica's Enter Sandman). She also used Vinny's services recently to do some dubious business with a rather questionable character named Jeff at the Texan Lounge on the Karnellian Lunar Base. As Jen said, "Nina's usually pretty busy, what with saving the Earth and all, but she's the only person I know in Canada who has a spaceship, and as always, she was happy to oblige." Thanks for the case of Traglet wine as payment, Jen (she was totally schooled at galactic poker--before paying me, I might add!). But you DO know that Traglet wine gives me indigestion, don't you, Jen? And I really don't care for the green residue left on the bottom from the live Traglets.
Science fiction author, Robert J. Sawyer was just like...well...Robert J. Sawyer! Rob was so at ease on board Vinny, slipping into Vinny's binary language and fixing things while he strolled along the hallways, helping himself to Traglet wine, residue and all (which didn't upset HIS system!). Not only did he apprehend all the facets of this organic-mechanized ship, but he increased Vinny's efficiency by 30%. Rob, we have a date for Vinny's 100ly tune-up! Okay? Toronto, here we come!
Philanthropist, SEO and internet extraordinaire, Karen Mason was elegantly graceful, composed and in command throughout her stay aboard Vinny, despite the passes my feisty robot, Harry, made at her (unbenounst to me, of course!). I don't think she minded so much (Harry is so cute!) And he did send her flowers to make up for his insolence. I've since put him through the circum-popo-stabilizer to adjust his circuitry (not quite like a lobotomy, but close). We'll see. I caught him writing love letters to Moya (Farscape's leviathan AI ship) yesterday. He's such a rake!
- Here's a picture of Harry. He looks a lot like Clank (of Ratchet and Clank). Well, he should! I made him that way.
So, for those of you who delight in science and technology, here are some more facts about Vinny:
he is an organic-mechanized, totally sentient ship, capable of cognitive thought, with a personality of his own.
- Vinny is also capable of faster-than-light speed (like all good SF ships). Mostly, Vinny taps into the dark matter of folded space, transmutates then reconfigures elsewhere, but sometimes he skims along the fabric of space like a frisbee. Scares the heebee-jeebees out of me when he does that.
- The ship is equipped with a revolutionary bio-film plasma technology that ensures against any hypervelocity impacts and other irregular collisions.
- Vinny is equipped with a fully functional greenhouse/biome in addition to a molecular replicator for both nutritious and easily accessible food.
- He recycles everything including wastes, air, water, dreams, laughter, etc through a revolutionary system that provides him with the energy to run; all of which I am not permitted to divulge.
- Okay...I'll tell you just a little bit: Vinny uses dream-waves for fuel, mainly through its passengers when in REM sleep, which activates theta rhythm generated in the dentate gyrus of the brain. Nanosensors attached to sleeping passengers transfer the theta waves via Vinny's neural network into wave-energy for the ship.
Here's a shot of Vinny. Okay, so he looks a little like Serenity (from Firefly). He should! I built him like that!
And, below, is a blow-up of my logo on the starboard bow of the ship.
Happy flying. If you're really nice to me, I might give you a ride aboard Vinny too (I prefer good old Earth wine to any of those universal exotic drinks, by the way. And you already know about my penchant for chocolate...)