Showing posts with label story. Show all posts
Showing posts with label story. Show all posts

Wednesday, April 5, 2023

Apex Magazine Interviews Nina Munteanu About Story, Ecology, and the Future



Issue  #128 of Apex Magazine featured an interview that Rebecca E. Treasure did with me, posted on December 10, 2021 on their site. We discussed the power of story, the use of dystopian narrative, and the blur between fiction and non-fiction to create meaningful eco-fiction. Here’s part of the interview. For the complete interview go here:

INTERVIEW

Nina Munteanu, author of “Robin’s Last Song,” is a prolific creator with multiple books, podcasts, short stories, and nonfiction essays in publication. Her work spans genre, from eco-fiction to historical fantasy to thrillers, and of course, science fiction. Her work as an ecologist informs all of her writing, which circles around an essential exploration; the relationship between humanity and our environment.

 At the top of Nina Munteanu’s website, there is a quote: “I live to write, I write to live.” This sentiment is reflected in her fiction, which is not just about characters in compelling situations solving their problems with compassion, but is about all of us, our planet, our environment, and our future.

Nina Munteanu sat down with Apex for a conversation about story, ecology, and the future.

APEX MAGAZINE: Your novels and short stories examine the role and evolution of humanity in the context of nature and technology. As an ecologist, what do you believe needs to happen—internationally, nationally, locally, and personally—to restore our planet and move forward in a sustainable way?

NINA MUNTEANU: All things animate and inanimate naturally oscillate toward equilibrium or balance in a kind of stable chaos of polarities. Goethe and Hegel told us this long ago. Our actions have exacerbated this oscillation through massive extraction, habitat destruction, and pollution with associated conflicts, take-over and subjugation. Everything is connected and all have contributed to climate change and habitat change. Our mission—given that we’re responsible for much of that imbalance—is to help the planet return itself to balance. That means ensuring that Nature’s natural checks can do their job to ensure functional forests and phytoplankton, a healthy ocean, a resilient biodiversity—all systems that we rely on for our own healthy existence. Restoring our denuded global forests, and the oceans will need the concerted and united efforts of all nations and individuals. We have the knowledge, the science, and technology; all that is needed is the will. And that can only change as our own narrative changes. That’s where storytelling plays a key part. Surveys have proven that fiction can be deeply persuasive through character journey that convinces at a deeper more emotional level (as opposed to a litany of facts that appeals only at an intellectual level).

AM: Do you believe industry and sustainability are compatible? What about colonialism and sustainability? Capitalism? In other words, is sustainability something we can achieve with our current systems, or is global systemic change required?

NM: Some people—mostly economists—would say definitely yes to the first question; we just need to be conservationist in our approach to doing business. But the very basis of capitalism is exploitation, not conservation. The driving force behind capitalism is fear and uncertainty and its main process is exploitation. From an ecologist’s perspective, this makes sense for a community during its early succession and growth stage …  when it first colonizes a new area. Ecologists call this approach r-selected (for rate), based on the need to be profligate and fast-growing to successfully establish. But as we reach a climax community and our carrying capacity—where we are now—this r-selected approach no longer works. We need an economic model that better matches this new paradigm. NOT based on continued growth! A climax global economy, one based on cooperation not competition. Elisabet Sahtouris calls this ecological economy “ecosophy.” In his book Designing Regenerative Cultures, Daniel Christian Wahl talks about changing our evolutionary narrative from one based on fear defined by a perception of scarcity, competition, and separation to one based on love defined by a perception of abundance, a sense of belonging, collaboration, and inclusion. He promotes a regenerative economy based on true reciprocation.

And moving forward we can take a lesson from Robin Wall Kimmerer who promotes a gift economy—an economy of abundance—whose basis lies in recognizing the value of kindness, sharing, and gratitude in an impermanent world. This is what she says: “Climate change is a product of [our] extractive economy and is forcing us to confront the inevitable outcome of our consumptive lifestyle, genuine scarcity for which the market has no remedy. Indigenous story traditions are full of these cautionary teachings. When the gift is dishonored, the outcome is always material as well as spiritual. Disrespect the water and the springs dry up. Waste the corn and the garden grows barren. Regenerative economies which cherish and reciprocate the gift are the only path forward. To replenish the possibility of mutual flourishing, for birds and berries and people, we need an economy that shares the gifts of the Earth, following the lead of our oldest teachers, the plants.”

AM: The language in your stories is richly thematic, using strong description to weave the subtext into the piece. For example, “killing two squirrels with one stone.” Is that something that comes about organically as you compose a piece, or a more intentional part of editing?

NM: I use both processes to achieve a final narrative that is multi-layered with metaphor, symbols, and deep meaning. The first process is through intuition derived through intimacy; the second process is more deliberate and generated through objectivity. Insights from intimacy come about organically, during moments of true inspiration, when my muse connects me to the deeper truth of a character’s voice and actions. Given that the inner story runs many layers (some of which I, as writer, may not even be overtly aware) and links in a fractal relationship with the outer story, those moments of inner inspiration happen as if of their own accord. That’s what writers mean when they admit that their characters “talk” to them and instruct them on what to write. When a writer achieves that level of intimacy and understanding, they can let the muse guide them.

Much of the description that is woven into story is generated through the editing process when I read the manuscript as a reader. The process involves letting the story sit for a while so when I return to it, I am reading more objectively. During this process, I apply my knowledge in storytelling craft to showcase combustible moments in plot, and work in foreshadowing, subtext, and compelling metaphor. A writer can’t add metaphor without context related to story theme (otherwise this may result in what the industry calls “purple prose”). Metaphor—given its roots in the deeper psyche of a culture—must arise organically from a deep, sometimes intuitive, understanding—where the personal meets the universal.   

AM: Your work takes complex topics that are nonetheless critical to humanity’s future and pulls stories with compelling characters out of them, making the science accessible, the warnings personal to the reader. This has always been one of the callings of science fiction. What is the role of stories in the climate action movement?

NM: Our capacity and need to tell stories is as old as our ancient beginnings. From the Paleolithic cave paintings of Lascaux to our blogs on the internet, humanity has always shared story. Story is powerful in how it helps us define who we are, what’s important to us, and where we are going. Stories compel with intrigue, stir our emotions, connect with our souls through symbols, archetypes and metaphor. Stories inspire action. We live by the stories we tell.

For too long, our stories have promoted a dominant worldview of exploitation and capitalism. We’ve been telling the patriarchal story of “othering” for too long; we need a new voice and a new worldview to replace our old stories of conquering and taming a “savage land” and “savage people.” When Copernicus proclaimed in 1543 that the sun did not revolve around the Earth, it took a long time for the world to accept and let go of its Ptolemaic Earth-centered view. But the world did come around eventually to the point now that this is common knowledge and lies embedded in our daily lives and language.

Storytelling about how the Earth takes care of us and how we can take care of Earth is urgently needed. This means shifting our stories from an exploitive capitalist narrative of separation toward an inclusive partnership narrative. This means embracing a more eco-centric worldview; a worldview in which humanity is not central, but lies embedded within greater planetary forces and phenomena. A worldview that sees humanity only as part of a greater entity, as participant in a greater existential celebration of life and the elements. A humanity that must learn to play along, not bully and take over. A humanity that must embrace compassion, respect and kindness; a humanity directed by humility—not hubris. It is my firm belief that until our worldview embraces humility in partnership with the natural world—until we cast off our self-serving, neo-liberal, capitalist ideologies—we will remain hampered in our journey forward. When we change our stories, we change our lives and we change the world along with it.

This is already happening with the emergence of a strong eco-voice by writers through the feminine voice, the gylanic voice, the voice of the marginalized, of ecology and the environment itself. Authors such as Barbara Kingsolver, Annie Proulx, Margaret Atwood, Richard Powers, Emmi Itäranta Cherie Demaline, Grace Dillon, and Cormac McCarthy give Nature a face and voice to care about. And caring is the first step.

AM: Your stories also bridge fiction with nonfiction, using speculative fiction as a lens to bring your subject into focus for the reader. How does that work? Why do you approach story in this way?

NM: Marcie McCauley with Temz Review observed that, “[Munteanu] does not appear to view fiction and non-fiction as separate territories; or, if she does, then this book [A Diary in the Age of Water] is a bridge between them.” In Herizons, Ursula Pflug called the book “a bit of a hybrid, and Munteanu a risk-taker.” Buried in Print wrote of the same book, “ultimately it exists in an in-between place, some mystical elements of the generational tale possibly alienating the dedicated science-y readers and the instructional elements possibly alienating fiction devotees. And, yet, I read on: strangely compelling.”

I find that I enjoy this in-between place that blurs fiction with nonfiction. It’s more edgy, gripping, and believable, albeit fantastical, even playfully challenging at times. For instance, I may subvert facts, creating semi-facts to tease the discerning reader (e.g. when the diarist in “A Diary in the Age of Water” observed that President Trump had gone blind from staring at the sun during an eclipse; while Trump did stare directly at the sun without eye protection during an eclipse in 2017, he did not go blind—yet). Readers have told me that the story was more impactful; they honestly didn’t know what was taken from fact and what was fictionalized. Such narrative reads like a true story and there is little more tantalizing than eavesdropping on another’s real experience and intrigue. The risk—that the blur will either confuse the reader or invalidate its truths and message—is hopefully addressed through compelling narrative that engages the reader. But this is also why I tend to include an extensive bibliography at the end of a novel or short story.

Readers have told me that my fiction/nonfiction storytelling trope, like “mundane science fiction,” grips my stories with a more keen sense of relevance. Given that I am writing mostly climate fiction and eco-fiction these days, that sense of relevance is exactly what I wish to achieve. 

AM: A last question. Both “The Way of Water” and “Robin’s Last Song” showcase the relationships women have with each other, the importance of human connection, the damage that disconnecting from each other can do and, inversely, the power of connection. In your view, what is the role of individuals and local communities in the climate crisis?

NM: There are many things we can do as individuals and as part of a community. I was recently asked this question by the Toronto Star and I responded with three things:

●      First, plant a tree; make an actual difference through action. By doing that, we get out from hiding under the bed and face the monster of climate change and show that we care and that we are not alone.

●      Second, vote for green politicians. Politicians need to hear directly from their communities. They need you to push them to act on climate change.

●      Third, find your tribe and create a movement. Everyone says that people have the power, but that power comes best through numbers and solidarity. Find your tribe and you’ll find yourself more motivated. So, start with you and your home: plant trees; put in a rain garden; put in permeable driveways and solar panels; lower meat intake, especially beef; don’t buy bottled water. Then connect with your physical community and social media community. Let them know what you’re doing and why. Work with your community. All members of a community can help change how your street looks and behaves by communicating with your local government, attending meetings, and having a voice. Initiate a tree-planting program in your parks and street greens. Do stream or lake cleanups. Let the leaders of your community know you care and are willing to do something about it. The wave of change starts local and ripples out into a global phenomenon. Change comes from the heart and heart is where the home is.

For the entire interview, go to Apex Magazine, December 10, 2021.

Road along Otonabee River on a foggy winter morning, ON (photo and rendition by Nina Munteanu)

Rebecca E. Treasure grew up reading science fiction and fantasy in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. After grad school, she began writing fiction. Rebecca has lived many places, including the Gulf Coast of Mississippi and Tokyo, Japan. She currently resides in Texas Hill Country with her husband, where she juggles two children, two corgis, a violin studio, and writing. She only drops the children occasionally. To read more visit www.rebeccaetreasure.com.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

The Adventures of Sammy the Wonder Cat—Part 4


Here's the 4th and final installation of my story. If you missed the previous parts of the story, you can read them here: Part 1; Part 2; Part 3.--Sammy

~~~~

Okay! Okay! Go ahead. Roll the script...I’m a big cat. I can handle a little embarrassment…

“Yeah,” I said, suspiciously. “I sort of remember it. What’s that got to do with you?”

“Everything!” Krapper said. “Your mistake was that you sent one of your own secret agents to jail because he smelled guilty, remember? You mistook him for Vinny, the musical pharmacist, who’d created a plague to make everyone tone deaf. But he was really Agent Bob with a sore throat.”

“What?” Kevin and I cried.

“You did that?” Kevin asked me and I saw the start of a crazy grin on his face. “How could you mistake one of your own agents for a criminal?”

“They’re both dogs.” I shrugged. “All dogs look alike,” I explained. Then I turned back to Krapper. “What’s that got to do with your warning?”

“Well,” Krapper said, “You made the same mistake with me. I’m really Agent Norm, not Krapper.”

I stared at him and my jaw dropped. I’m sure my cute little pink tongue hung out of my mouth.

Kevin snorted. “Let me guess: all rats look alike.”

I shrugged. Then it hit me. “That means that both Vinny and Krapper, his side-kick, are still out there!”

Krapper ― that is Norm ― nodded. “You got the picture. And Galaxy police reported them heading this way, to Earth!”

“Wait,” Kevin said. “So what’s the big problem? So this dog and this rat develop some plague that’ll make everyone tone deaf. My parents are already tone deaf. They don’t appreciate ‘Our Lady Peace’ or ‘Avril Lavigne’. . .”

Norm and I clutched each other in panic. “You don’t understand,” I said. “That’ll be the end of Rock & Roll, Hip Hop, Blues and Jazz forever! That leaves Rap and Country music! Imagine hearing that everywhere you go?”

Kevin shrugged. “So? I like rap music.”

I shivered. “Okay, let me put it this way. You want to listen to Mark Chestnut right after Emenem?”

Kevin blanched. “What can we do?”

“Scream!”

You would too if you had to listen to Mark Chestnut all day. As for what Sammy and the Pixl did to save Earth from turning into a bad CD, you’ll just have to wait for the next installment of “Sammy, the Wonder Cat: The Plague of the Singing Pharmacist.”

The End…or is it?

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

The Adventures of Sammy the Wonder Cat—Part 3


Hi! Me again ... Here's Part 3 of my story. If you haven't read the earlier parts you can read Part 1 here and Part 2 here.--Sammy.

~~~~

We crept down the hallway and peeked around the corner into the office. Kevin turned to me and shrugged. We saw nothing unusual. Then, out of the corner of my eye I caught a slight movement close to the computer screen on the desk. I tapped Kevin’s shoulder with my paw and pointed. He saw it too. A shadowy figure.

“You go that way,” Kevin whispered to me, pointing to the left. “I’ll go that way.” He pointed to the right. “We’ll ambush it.”

I nodded, trying to look brave and majestic.

“Sure, easy for you to say, you’re ten times my size,” I said under my breath as I crept forward to the left of the shadow. It was then that I saw the string of action figures on the floor. So, this was where they’d ended up!

I saw Kevin move forward. We were so close, I started to feel my fur stand up on end. Then I leapt and Kevin lunged forward.

BONK! We hit heads!

“Hey!” I yelled.

“Where’d it go?” Kevin said. “We lost it!”


“Yeah,” I countered. “But at least you found your action figures.”

“Yeah,” a little voice said. “They don’t taste good. Especially Boba Fett.”

I could have told him that ― Wait! “Who said that?” Kevin and I exchanged glances. This was spooky!

“Look!” Kevin pointed to the top of the deep freeze. And there he was. The last person I’d expected to see: Krapper. With a lightsaber!

My fur really stood up then! My worst enemy. How’d he get out of jail? Flush was supposed to be foolproof. No one ever got off that jail planet.

Krapper let out a nasty giggle. “I thought I’d never find you,” he said.

Was he here to get revenge? I’d put him in jail, after all. You see I discovered that Krapper was the ring-leader of an evil smuggling and drug organization called the “City Dudes”. When I exposed them, I sent Krapper to Flush, a penal planet totally isolated from the rest of the galaxy. Krapper insisted right to the end that he was innocent. But I could tell he smelled guilty. My nose never lies. Well, almost never. You see there was that mistake I made ― but it’s too embarrassing to tell you.

Kevin waved madly at me and pointed in several directions. I finally got what he meant and nodded.

“What do you want, Krapper?” I asked. In the meantime, while I kept Krapper listening to me, I saw Kevin sneak up behind him. “Are you here to get your revenge? Finish me off? Nibble on my feet?”

In a flash, Kevin whipped Krapper in his hand. “Gotcha!”

“Ulp!” Krapper squeaked in Kevin’s hand. He made some more pathetic sounds. Even I almost felt sorry for him. Kevin finally put him down again with a warning that he’d shmoosh him if he moved even a centimeter.

He gulped than said, “I didn’t come for revenge. I came to warn you!”

“What?” we both said. Kevin glanced at me, puzzled.

“What d’you mean?” I asked. “Why would you want to warn me, Someone who sent you to Flush, the toilet seat of the galaxy?”

“Actually, it’s ‘the toilet bowl of the galaxy’,” he corrected me.

“Okay. So?”

“Because I work for your boss too.”

“What?” Kevin and I said.

“Remember that little mistake you made on Gamma 9?” he asked me―

OKAY! CUT SCENE! I don’t remember this in the script. Time for a little pause with a pretty picture. This is me when I first came to Earth. Aren’t I the cutest thing you ever laid eyes on?…


(Part 4 next post…maybe)

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

The Adventures of Sammy the Wonder Cat—Part 2

Here's the second part of my story. If you haven't yet and want to read Part 1 first, you should go here. Or you can just scroll down too.--Sammy.

~~~~~

I was just settling in to read my favourite Star Wars comic book, Mara Jade, when Kevin stormed into the room. At first I thought he was mad at me for drinking his milk but he looked worried too.

“Did you hide Boba Fett, Sammy?” he said, eyeing me suspiciously, like he usually does when I’ve just been exercising. He obviously meant his action figure toy.

“Why would I take Boba Fett?” I huffed. “What am I, a pack rat?” I turned back to Mara Jade, but, speaking of pack rats, my mind couldn’t help wandering to Krapper, the criminal rodent I’d sent to jail on the planet Flush. It was my last mission before . . . well, before that accident I can’t tell you about. I went back to the comic, remembering that Boba Fett didn’t taste that good anyway from the last time I’d tried to bite his head off.

“But that’s the third action figure missing today!” Kevin insisted.

“As if you cared about Xizor or Greedo!” I sniffed. Then I ignored him, like a good tabby cat does, and he finally calmed down to play with his other action figures.

I was just getting to a neat scene in the comic ― Mara Jade was creaming those lousy pirates using her blaster, light saber and her foot ― when Kevin shrieked in his highest pitched voice, “You pig! You ate my veeshy pie!”

He wiggled Nomi Sunrider in his left hand. Then wiggling Darth Maul in his other hand, he bellowed in a low, but still squeaky voice (he’s a kid, after all), “But it was good! Make another!” Darth Maul used to be an evil Sith, but he turned into a Rebel . . . and a gourmet.

“But I made the pie for Boba Fett,” Kevin made Nomi say. “He’s my hero―”

I couldn’t stand it any longer and pounced!

All mayhem broke loose. Kevin fell back, accidentally kicking one of his ships. Action figures flew in all directions. He screamed, “Get off, Sammy! You’re wrecking the set!” Next thing I knew, I was flying across the room, wondering if I’d just become part of the script.
Not one to sulk, I sauntered back to see the damage I’d helped create and maybe even to help Kevin clean up. Kevin flashed me a look of concern. “Shhh!” he whispered, putting his fingers to his lips. “I think I heard something in the office.”

“But no one’s there,” I objected.

“Burglars,” we both said at the same time. I was on Kevin’s shoulder in a flash. But my intrepid friend decided to check it out. Fool! Didn’t he know that’s how you can get creamed?

Okay, I decided. If the Pixl could be that brave, I could at least help out. So I scurried to my hiding place and donned my cape. Kevin changed into his Pixl suit. It was time for Sammy, the Wonder Cat, and the Pixl!



Monday, September 10, 2007

The Adventures of Sammy the Wonder Cat--Part 1


I’d like to introduce you to my guest blogger, Ishmael, who’s come from very far to post this week while I’m holidaying on Helsig 2, a moon off HD168443b in the HD168443 system (staying away from tax collectors). Ishmael has a story for you. It comes in four parts, with Part 1 to start today. Please be nice to him and post comments for him to read. This will encourage him to post more of his story. Well, gotta go. I leave you to him and…good luck.

Book One: Revenge of the Repulsive Rat


Hi. That good-looking dude is me. I’m Sammy and that goofy-looking guy next to me is Kevin, my pet. Hey, but don’t break the news to him. He thinks I’m his pet! Actually, the truth is we work together and he’s my friend. It seems he’s pretty good-looking for a human kid too! That’s what I’ve heard the girls say, anyway . . . if you can trust them.

So, you think we’re just an ordinary kid and his pet cat, eh? Well, think again! But I’m getting ahead of myself. Here’s how the boring story of an ordinary kid and his cat became the exciting tale of two super-heroes who had to fight an evil pack-rat from space who ate STAR WARS action figures. But I’m getting ahead of myself again . . . .

It started in a quiet little community called Delta, British Columbia. That’s in Canada, by the way, for those of you who are spatially challenged. That’s where Kevin and his parents live. Little did Kevin know when he chose me at the animal shelter that he was getting no ordinary cat. You see, my real name is Ishmael Jakheem Borrogrove Peetaky Sammiloo (Sammy, for short) and I’m a space traveler from Mangoleeky, the third planet circling IT-501, a tiny red dwarf star in the Araki System. That’s another galaxy, by the way, so don’t even bother to look for it. You don’t believe me? Well, take a look at my retractable antennae. Told you!

I’m Agent Sam, a galactic secret agent ― well, I used to be. I ran important missions for the Inter-Galactic Secret Police. Top Secret stuff, which is why I’m telling you all this. You see, I made a big mistake, as in GIANT. Mega HUGE. Well, you get the picture. I can’t tell you what I did, because it’s too embarrassing. Anyway, because of it, they gave me this routine mission on Earth. And if I do okay, they might give me my old job back. The mission was to keep any of our galaxy’s criminals from messing up this planet.
I was instructed to lay low as an ordinary tabby kitten. “Just act like you usually do and they won’t know the difference,” my boss told me. So I did. But what no one told me was that, while I was a normal feline on Mangoleeky, I had super powers on Earth! I found out one day when I was chasing a bird in Kevin’s backyard. I crept up to it like I normally do and just as I pounced it took flight, like they always do. The only difference was I flew after it! I COULD FLY! WEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

Of course, I had a few things to learn about landing . . . . Anyway, I thought to myself, how can I lay low when I have all these neat powers? Especially flying! I just had to do something to help these poor technologically-challenged humans. So, having read the best human stories on Earth (“Superman Comics”), I made a super-hero outfit to disguise me ― well, actually Kevin’s aunt did ― and I gave myself a super-hero name: Sammy, the Wonder Cat. Of course I had to let Kevin in on the secret, because we’re buddies. Well, being my sidekick, Kevin figured that he should have a name too, so we came up with “Pixl”, which is what his mom calls him when she gets mad at him for being such a smarty-pants.

That’s how “Sammy the Wonder Cat” and “Kevin the Pixl” came to be. Now you know too. But don’t tell anyone, because it’s a secret.

~~~~
My first mission as the Wonder Cat came more quickly than I imagined. It was a normal day in Kevin’s house.


For exercise, I’d already tipped over a vase of flowers in the kitchen, coaxed an entire roll of toilet paper down to the floor, batted Kevin’s dad’s watch under the couch and drank Kevin’s milk from his glass on the dining room table. It was promising to be a very good day…


Sunday, September 2, 2007

Nonsense Story Meme: You Figure it Out!

Kathleen over at Diary of a Heretic sent me this nonsense story meme...I don't know...seems pretty logical to me... :)

Here are the rules from Gracie's site.
1. Copy and paste the story below, and the rules, on your blog.
2. Find out who you're going to tag. (2-3 people, or more, if you wish)
3. Write one or two sentences to continue the story, and use the titles of the blogs you're tagging or any word(s) associated with them as keywords in the links you include in your part of the story.
4. Remember to tell your taggees that you've tagged them!
5. Feel free to use this and start your own viral link story. I'd very much appreciate a link back to Mother's Home! if you do. (Or a tag, if you prefer!)

Here's the beginning:

Mother's Home! the cave troll yelled. I have been out all day strangling chickens like CRAZY! for the evil Empress. All i want now is a MOment to myself, but i keep getting Linda talking Drivel, but that is better than a certain someone Mooing. Then suddenly what should appear but the NOT evil Empress and all her strangled chickens and Mags cooked them all up and made us a lovely cake to eat. Gracie wanted all the cake for herself but the NOT evil Empress was able to hack off a good sized slab for herself!!! Ha ha ha, Gracie belched loudly after eating all the scrumptious cake that Mags had baked and watched Callie scrappin' with Sarge about who was gonna win Big Brother 8. Sarge started humming "Dixie," and almost choked on the bite of cake in his mouth! So he got some coffee to go to wash down the cake. The coffee helped a bit but he had to vocalize before he started singing again so he began, "Mi mi mi mi mi mi mi mi mi mi mi mi..."

...who heard him all the way from Bloggingham Palace and said, "Where is that awful noise coming from? Is there a sick wailing Wacky Mom loose in the woods?" She said, "I'll bet Songbird can teach him to sing!" but she was busy BONDing in the desert with Kathleen who sat writing heresy in her diary. She was absolutely no help. So Mi-Mi asked Kat to put him on the PP&P list to save his sorry soul. Alas, Ralph the Airhead made a new batch but the Patti-cakes fell in Polliwog's Pond and nobody got to eat cake after all! It was all Bee's fault (somehow). Feeling sorry for herself, she pranced over to Odat's for a dance but she only heard strange mumbling...

That mumbling, however, resulted from The Alien Next Door trying to clone Justin Stanely’s Weblog. The meticulous and risky cloning occurred throughout several millennia, past, present, and future. Or so it seemed; no one could keep count. It was just too much. The mind-numbing years had finally sublimed the earth into a pristine Bobbarama. All well and good, said Bob, but whatever happened to the rules? Before anyone got hurt, however, enough stars fell and crashed to alert Sci-Fi Girl, who grabbed her laptop and returned to the woods, where Mimi's Dating Profile popped up, allowing a lion to lie happily next to a lamb…

Now, the insane writer burst into the forest, kissing the dogwood and sat on the lion, spinning tales about sci-fi girl's boyfriend, sci-fi guy, who had his eye on [her] DNA, which he was hoping to sell for anything goes. But just then the mad goat lady and the drowsey monkey pranced into the forest and sang a truly quiet symphony, which annoyed the insane writer.

"What's that funky sound?" screamed sci-fi guy.

"Well, it sure isn't a raspberry-latte!" grumbled the insane writer. "Get a grip, sci-fi guy! You're my main character! I expect you to know how to split an atom! Ignore that woman and her indolent pet! Now, go and do your dastardly thing!"